So as I mulled over the reasons for doing x and not y, I started to use a program that I had installed a while ago, called Personal Brain.
This is a mind-mapping tool that lets you build a network of interconnected thoughts. I started using this to map my motivations for doing things.
I started by listing the things I was doing regularly: chores, cooking, exercise, visiting certain websites, programming projects, reading, shopping, calling people, paying bills, etc. Not too exciting, but even among these, there were things I would do without thinking and other things that took a lot more effort, things that caused me to lose track of time and ones that I could only get myself to do by setting a timer.
When I had my list, I started to think about the reasons I was doing these things. Sure, I pay bills because I think I have to, but the reality is that it is a choice I make. Certainly there are people who don’t pay their bills, and there must be some reason for it.
As I tapped into the underlying motivations, I found that I was paying bills to Reduce Anxiety (I felt more relaxed knowing they were paid), Know Where We Stand (going over the accounts gave me a good overview of our financial situation), and Get Ahead (building credit and deciding where it is best to pay extra to help us in the long run is part of the process, too).
My motivations for organizing were to Feel Smart (when I figured out something that would really work for me), Have a Place For Things (not knowing where to put things is part of my clutter problem), and Have Time to Play (because I imagine that this is the end result when I get it all figured out).
Before this exercise, I would have just thought I was doing things because I had to, or because they needed to be done. I didn’t realize that I was getting something out of it, or striving for a better future with each of these small tasks. Soon, I built a small matrix of motivations linked to different activities. What could I do to Learn How Things Work, Reduce Anxiety, and Laugh? Watch TV.
Still, even in doing this exercise, I now notice that I left out some important things, those projects that I wasn’t working on at the time. While this gave me some insight into the things I was doing, it didn’t reach out to the things that were not being done and my reasons for not doing them.
More to be learned…