So here I am in the middle of a pandemic that has just cancelled the St. Patrick’s Day parade again (Dang! A year! That parade is how I mark the beginning of the major cancellations – it started with St. Patty’s.) and my dating options are a bit limited. At least if I meet someone now, I know they can use a computer.
Don’t worry, though. My brain is working overtime to give me some of that closeness I’m not getting in real life. While I sleep alone in my bed, I’m getting to spend time with the man of my dreams, or rather the men of my dreams: unexpectedly pleasant encounters with ex-boyfriends I haven’t seen since before I was married.
I don’t want them back, I hardly ever think about them, and I’m glad we’ve moved on. In my dreams, they are being kind, and physically close, and making me feel like I have someone to share things with. In real life, they are happily and safely far away. They don’t know they are helping me through this pandemic in their own special way.
I can only assume my brain has been going back through the old library catalog in there, searching under Holding Hands and Making Out and pulling out those well-worn index cards that tell it where to find the right memories. Ones where I feel safe and not-lonely and maybe even happy. And then it is sneaking them into my dreams, where I find them from time to time when the alarm goes off in the morning, or the running toilet wakes me up in the night. I must be blissfully living in that space on the nights when I don’t get interrupted.
I’m still lonely, but I’m glad someone is looking out for me, even if it is just… me.
And I am starting to try the online dating thing. So I’ll have some new exes to dream about during the next pandemic. (Please let that be a funny joke when I read it years from now.) I’m sure I’ll have some interesting stories from that. 🙂
For now, I’ll keep doing the virtual things: meetings, games, and events from the living room. I’ll keep my family safe. Life goes on.
Be kind, be smart, be brave. Never take hugs for granted.
And I didn’t think I’d ever have to say this, but don’t storm the Capitol. Just don’t.